And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
