I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
