Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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