So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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