so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
