The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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