I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
