What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
