Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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