she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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