my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
