can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
