im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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