Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
