Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
