trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
are you so shy because you have an std?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
