there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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