it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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