I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
