I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
