i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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