I wish I only lived at night.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
