shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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