its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
