I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
