Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
