Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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