I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
