so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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