My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
PANTIES FOUND
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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