I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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