You don't have asthma, your pregnant
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
