So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
