She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
