I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
