I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
