Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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