Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
