3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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