So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
