clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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