he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
