giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
