you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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