I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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