shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
