my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
