just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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