We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
