this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Can I color on your dick again?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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