i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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