I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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