Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I want to walk on stilts...naked
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
