Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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